I can really do this on a Monday morning…?

This past weekend I drove to the Poconos, the super upgraded Mount Airy Lodge, to be exact. Yes, for you East coasters out there, the one with the heart shape tubs and the corny jingle from the 70s, for a super fun 60th birthday party for my sister-in-law. My bestie and I had a great time. Really, a special time cause she is really the best.

We drove back in one shot on Sunday – about 6.5 hours. I have no problem doing a drive like that, and when my alarm went off on Monday at 6:30am, I popped out of bed to feed Claire and give her a walk. Then the plan was to head to cardio for a 9am class and come back and clean, organize, and ensure I have everything under control. It’s what I do. Even though I am not working right now, I am up and Adam. Every day. Why? I have no idea. Fear, panic, guilt – I don’t know, but on this sunny Monday morning – I fed Clair walked her – made my coffee, and feeling a bit tired from the 6.5-hour drive, I said FUCK IT, I am going back to bed.

I did not say that – I had a long-winded conversation about why it’s irresponsible to get back in bed. I have never done that, even when I have not felt well. I push through. I pride myself on being responsible – whatever that means- and getting back in bed felt irresponsible. But I really wanted to – so I did.

I made a second cup of coffee, heated up my leftover turkey sandwich from the ride home (so good), and headed back up the stairs to my bedroom. I walked to the bed and sat down. I said to myself – get in bed. And a small voice in my head heard my bestie saying, ” you deserve to take care of yourself ” See, my bestie is my true champion., She is my rock. She knows me better than anyone. If she tells me it’s no big deal, I know it’s no big deal. I know you are crying, girl!

I did not get out of bed till 11am. I turned on the TV, pulled up my comforter, picked up the remote, and watched the final four, yes four, episodes of season 4 of Yellowstone. Coffee in hand and sandwich gone in several bites – it was decadent. And, of course, when I recanted the entire experience to my bestie that evening – she said – that is fucking awesome, and she was right.

Taking time for yourself is so important. As I move forward in my new journey – What will always be top of mind – is me, and I will never feel guilty about putting myself first again.

VC