I was in Brooklyn for Thanksgiving; while hanging with some close friends, I was surprised when one said, “Hey, why aren’t you blogging anymore?” then all chimed in – yeah, why – they were great! At that moment, I realized that I had not blogged since the passing of my best friend and brother from another mother, Tony. I got very wrapped up in sadness and loss (understandably) and panic about (not sure what), but that is how I was feeling. I had nothing to say that anyone would want to read. I like to write about my experiences that others would find helpful, and this seemed to be something other than it.
I promised to begin blogging again. It’s January, and I have yet to write a word – until right now. If I lie to myself, I could say I let work (now that I have started my new journey with #structureexhibits) get in the way. But that would be a lie. The only way I can describe it is that I felt frozen. I was grappling with mental health stuff.
It all started in October. Having a child that struggles as well – I quickly identified it, panicked, and made a choice to “get it together.” The first thing I did was get truthful about what had me ruminating in the past and future-flipping so terribly that I didn’t want to acknowledge where my mind was taking me for fear that I might put it into existence. I got very serious about it as well. I beefed up my meditation practice, seeking out spiritual mentors that resonated with me. Jay Shetty and Gabby Bernstein are two that I love. I also re-read The Power of Now by Eckert Tolle. And again, I will not lie. I have to read each page twice. The book is complex.
Yeah, I know, as my BFF says, woo woo stuff, but it has begun to transform my life in a few short months, and I know I cannot go back, especially to any future flipping. Instead, if I plan each day to do things that align with what I want to accomplish in life, I will have no choice but to get there without living my life in the future.
I am addressing things in my life that I feel sad about. I recognize the amazing things in my life that made me who I am.
Each day, I read the list of mottos I have written on a board in front of me, and the one that always makes me feel the most present and joyful – what we focus on, we create.
My blog aimed to write about my experiences so that those reading them might connect and know they are not alone.
Everyone struggles, whether we talk about it or not, whether we drive a BMW or vacation in exotic places or always put on a happy face and appear to have it all together. It’s human nature. The world has become complicated, and we may only be wired to handle it with conscious effort.
I love the story Will Smith tells in his book “Will” about his father making him and his brother build a brick wall; don’t think about the entire wall; focus on laying each brick, each day perfectly.
Be intentional each day.
VC
They Call Me VC 
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